Today Trevor had his last follow up eye appointment from his lasik surgery in August. Shad slept in quite late this morning, so we gave him the choice of going with daddy and waiting at the park next to the doctor's office (where we like to sit and watch the airplanes take off), or stay home and take a nap. His first choice was to stay home and play with his ipad, but once we told him the choices again, he chose the park.
There is a playground at the park, but usually when we go we walk along the bay looking for dogs, boats, squirrels (or maybe they're chipmunks), and most importantly airplanes. I didn't think anything of taking Shad in his wheelchair and walking around while we waited for Trevor. Well, as soon as we were in the car and the whole way downtown, Shad talked about playing on the playground at the park. Technically this shouldn't have been a problem, he "can" walk, but his legs are weak and he hasn't really walked for about a month. He still refuses to walk at home, and even just trying to get him to stand up is a challenge. He talked about climbing the big wall, playing on the slide, walking in the sand and on and on. Trevor and I just said that if he wanted to play on the playground then he could. We were both pretty sure once the time came for him to get out of his wheelchair, he wouldn't be as happy about it as he was in theory, but we didn't want to discourage him too much.
We got to the park, and Trevor dropped us off. I got Shad all situated in his wheelchair with his giraffe, and his blanket, and we started walking toward the park. He continued on and on about playing on the playground, the closer we got the more worried I became. There were a lot of families at the park. In my mind this just meant more people to witness Shad's failure (and mine I felt). I became more worried about what those people would think of me and my son, than I was about Shad actually being successful or not. I began trying to talk Shad out of playing, reminding him how much fun it was to sit and watch for airplanes, or look at the water. Nope, his desire could not be squelched. I asked him several times if he was sure he wanted to play. He answered each time with a more insistent yes than the time before. I pushed him over to a less busy corner of the playground. Asked him one final time if he was sure he wanted to get out, and then lifted him from the chair. I stood him on the ground and he took a couple wobbly steps before he began screaming. It broke my heart to see him in pain, and I immediately picked him up and held him in my arms. That is when I looked around and saw all the other parents looking at us. The pity in their eyes was almost more than I could bear. They quickly turned away trying to pretend they hadn't noticed, but I felt like I knew what they were thinking. I calmed Shad down and put him back in his wheelchair. I wanted to hurry away from the onlookers, but he just wanted to sit and watch the other kids play. That was hard for me too. I knew that he wanted to be out there playing like those other kids, and I am still not sure exactly what was going through his mind, but I let him sit there watching for as long as he wanted.
After a few minutes he said that he was ready to "walk" again, so I got up, and off we went. The rest of the trip was great. We saw 2 boats, some birds, some big guns (like they have on Navy ships), lots of airplanes and even a dog or two. Shad was happy to be there waving to airplanes, and people on the boat. Laughing at the birds swimming in the water (because birds are supposed to fly), and the lady throwing the ball for her dog who just wanted to lay in the shade. People still stared at us, I still worried about what they were thinking, but I was also able to enjoy being at the park with my baby.
As we were walking to where we were going to meet Trevor, I noticed a lady walking toward us with her dog. She was looking at us, but the look in her eyes was different. It wasn't pity or curiosity, but rather acceptance. The dog was a big german shepherd, and I reminded him that we don't touch dogs we don't know without the owners permission. As they got closer, the lady smiled at Shad and I, and gave Shad a wave. She walked over and stooped right down to Shad's level. She asked him if he liked dogs, and he answered with a resounding yes. She asked if he wanted to pet her dog, and he said yes. The dogs name was Bella, and I can't for the life of me remember the lady's. She introduced herself, and then asked for our names. Shad told her his, and I told her mine. She chatted with Shad a little bit, and then started talking about Bella. She said that Bella couldn't run around like she used to because her legs were tired (because she was old), but she still liked to go for walks. Shad piped right up and said "Hey mommy, that's just like my legs. My legs are tired too." She continued to talk to him for awhile, and then said she hoped she saw us again soon. She asked if we came and walked there often, and we told her not usually. She said that she would still hope to see us again sometime walking there. Bella gave Shad a few kisses and they were on their way. I was so grateful that we crossed paths with her. She will never know the impact of the 5 minutes that she took to talk to a stressed mother and her "different" child, but I will.
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