Today

We awoke bright and early at 5:45 am.  Trevor and I got dressed, and then woke Shad up, put his brace on and headed to the hospital.

When we got there we had to go to admissions and check into the PICU for the day.  It took about 25 minutes and we were upstairs by about 7:20.  They had a room and a bed all ready for us.  Shad climbed up and was all ready to get the show on the road.  Typical of any trip to the hospital it was kind of a hurry up and wait type situation.  We had one of the nurses that we had when we were in the PICU, he was happy to see Shad up and walking around, and impressed that their relationship had progressed from Shad being scared of him taking his temperature, to Shad not even crying when he accessed his port.  

At about 5 to 8 the flood of people came (4 or 5) and began prepping him for sedation.  Shad fights it so much, he doesn't like to just give up and go to sleep.  The gave him the first dose and he was still awake and carrying on conversations with everyone.  They gave him more until he finally gave up.  They intubated him, since they had to put him into such a deep sleep, just to protect his airway.  Trevor and I gave him a kiss and went to get some breakfast.  He headed off to MRI a little before 9:00.  We waited in the room until he got back at about 12:00.  He started to wake up, which was pretty entertaining.  He said some really random things as well as a lot of rambling.  Once he was able to eat and drink a little we were allowed to leave.  He really wanted to walk, but was still a little bit too drowsy, so he was a little tipsy.  Although it was entertaining, we didn't want him to hurt himself, so Trevor carried him most of the way.

We are anxious to hear what the results are next week.  Hopefully the doctor is able to make it in (he is scheduled for jury duty).  

Blood, Platelets, and Orthopedics

     While Shad was in the hospital for round 4 of chemotherapy, his hemoglobin levels got really low, so Dr. Pene decided to do a blood transfusion.  They ended up doing it in the middle of the night so Shad slept right through it with no problems at all.  The worst part was when we had to wake him up to take the Tylenol and Benadryl that they administer before hand (2 reactions from blood transfusion can be itching, and fevers).

     We were able to leave the hospital on schedule Wednesday the 30th of January.  Unfortunately I came down with a crazy cough the night before, and so I pretty much tried to stay away from him as much as possible.  Luckily my mom came on Thursday, and was able to help out with him quite a bit which was really a lifesaver.  Thanks Mom!  I went to the Dr. on Friday to see if they could give me any medicine as cough drops and cough syrup weren't really doing anything.  They gave me some medicine, and I started feeling better a couple days later.  It was just a cold, but I never really had any congestion or anything else.  Luckily Shad is still healthy so I don't think he caught it.
     We went in for our first follow up appointment on Tuesday, and Shad's platelets were really low, so we had to stay for a transfusion.  We went downstairs and got some lunch while we waited for the platelets to come from the blood bank.  After we ate we went back upstairs and waited and waited some more.  Shad was watching a movie on a tv they had in the room for us, I crocheted and Trevor played on his phone/napped.  He got the benadryl and tylenol, and about 15 minutes later they started the transfusion.  It lasted about half an hour and then we were good to go.

     We went back again yesterday for the next follow up, and his counts were all much better.  He was even given the green light to go out if he wanted to.  The longer he goes through chemo the better I am getting at telling when his counts are low, and when they are going up.  When they are low he is a lot more moody, whiney, and tired.  As they get higher he becomes more and more like his normal self.  We go in again on Tuesday to check his counts again.  Dr. Pene wants to make sure that they get were they need to be so he can get all his scans the next week.  He is currently scheduled to have them on the 21st.  Dr. Pene is going to be gone that week, and possibly the start of the next, so we aren't sure when we will meet with him to find out what they said and discuss further options yet, but hopefully it won't be too long after.
     On Thursday we met with the orthopedist about Shad's back.  They did x-rays to make sure that his back is staying straight and lined up the way it is supposed to, and that the brace is still doing its job.  The doctor also talked some more about when the brace might be able to come off.  He said that they are going to treat Shad's back like a compound fracture, and so it should be able to heal in 6 weeks (probably less for his age).  As long as he doesn't have any more chemo for the next couple weeks (5), he should be able to get rid of the brace.  That means 5 weeks from the 30 we will go back in and do some xrays with the brace off, and see how things are looking.  They said even if he only goes 4 weeks without chemo it could be enough.  We will have to wait and see what happens after the scans.  Most likely we will go in around March 6 anyway, and do some X-rays without the brace just to see what things are looking like.

Newest Update from Dr. Pene

     Shad, Trevor and I went for a walk down to the little store and McDonald's for some lunch yesterday.  We knew that Shad's pump would last about an hour without being charged up, so it wasn't too long of a trip.  Shad is moving much quicker now, but it still takes us about 10 - 15 minutes to make it downstairs.  When we got back Dr. Pene was standing at the front desk.  He greeted Shad with "Ahhh, there is the boy from the empty room" which Shad seemed to think was pretty funny.  He let us know that he didn't need to tell us much, but did want to let us know what the AFP (alpha fetoprotein) was.  Remember this was a huge indicator as to what type of cancer Shad had, and started out over 60,000.  After the first round they were down to 20,000.  I think there was another number given to us after the second round, but I guess I didn't write it down.  Now, after the 3rd round it is down to 42!  Remember, if it gets to 0 that means the cancer is gone.  Needless to say we are quite happy that he is doing so well.  We are very excited to see what it gets to after this fourth round of chemo.
     Last time we were in for a check up it was kind of red around Shad's catheter.  Dr. Pene was a little worried, especially since the catheter has been in for a little more than 2 months, and usually needs to be changed every couple months.  He called Dr. Christman (pronounced chrissman) from the urology team to come down and take a look.  He got down there pretty quickly, and said that it looked fine.  The redness was normal, and not something to worry about.  He told us what kinds of things to watch for that would tell us there was a problem.  He then asked Dr. Pene when they were going to be doing more scans to check for progress, he was trying to figure out if they would need to put in a new catheter, or if they would be able to take it out before that time came.  Dr. Pene told him that they would be doing some after round 4 of chemo.  We thought he was going to wait until after round 8, so this was a surprise for us, but we were happy we would be getting a better handle on his progress that much sooner.
   Anyway, back to yesterday.  After Dr. Pene told us the good news I asked him when he was planning on doing more scans, and what that would mean.  He said that they will do them in about 3 weeks once Shad has recovered fully from this round of chemo.  He said they will also check the AFP at that point and if it is at zero that will mean the cancer is gone, (they will still do the scans to be sure) and they will stop treatments.  If not, they will look at the scans and see if what is remaining is something that can be taken care of with surgery.  If it doesn't seem like surgery will be able to fully take care of it, or surgery is not the best option.  They will do two more rounds of chemo and then repeat the scans and everything again.  This was very good news, and also a surprise for us.  Originally Dr. Pene told us they were going to do 12 rounds of chemo, so even the thought of being done after 4 or 6 is amazing!
   Thank you again for all the prayers, don't stop now!!

Run for Abigail and Friends

Thank you so much to all of our friends and family that came out to support Shad and our family in the run for Abigail and friends.  It was great to see so many people there, and I enjoyed being able  to visit with people for a little while.  Because of your support we were able to win two of the cash prizes, a gift card to quicktrip, and gift card to sprouts, 2 separate photo sessions, and a massage.  All of these things will be very useful as Shad (we) continues the fight against cancer over the next year.
Several of the groups made shirts to show they were there to support Shad, others wore the run shirts which was great too.  I tried to take pictures of everyone who was there to support us, but I know that I missed some people.  If I missed you then I apologize, but we are glad you came.

My family, and my mom's friends sporting our Shad Wars shirts

Starting the 5k

Sis. Pruitt, Lori and Katie, Auntie Kathy, Timmy?, Tana

Sterling

My mom holding the sign made by her friends

Auntie Kathy and her friend Timmy?, Tiana is in the middle, but I missed her 

Kaily and Kaneesha

Billie, Devon, Delaina, Pat and Alexis

Auntie Mat and Auntie Tito

Jaron and Christy

Blessing, Kyler 

Paula

Jeff 

Daniel and Jessica

Brendon

Andrew

Moana, Allison, Denise, Sheli, Ryleigh

My mom, Jayce and Antjuan 

people from my dad's work, 

The back of the shirts

MRI and PET scan Results

     Last Wednesday Shad went into the hospital for a follow up MRI and a PET scan.  A PET scan uses a tracer that is injected into the body to check for cancer (or see where the cancer is at).  (for more information about PET scans click here).  We arrived at the hospital about 9:30 and eventually got home at about 5:00, so the process took quite awhile.
     We got to the hospital at 9:30 and checked in at the pre-operation window so they could get some information before the sedation process.  We waited a few minutes, and then the nurse took us back to get Shad's height, weight and ask a whole bunch of questions.  Once we finished there he took us downstairs to the imaging center where we waited about 45 minutes for the MRI tech, the anesthesiologist, and the PET scan lady to all figure out what it was they needed to do.  At about 10:30 they took us back to the room and we signed a bunch of papers.  Shad was in a great mood, and was chatting it up with all of the people.  They all commented multiple times about how they wished all their patients were so cooperative.  The anesthesiologist told us his plan (just basic sedation, no intubation or anything), and then we got Shad up on the table.  He was still super happy and laughing and talking to everyone.  Once the anesthesiologist pulled out the mask to administer the medicine, Shad lost it.  He started trying to rip of the mask, and screaming.  Trevor and I were on either side of him holding his hands down, and trying to talk to him so he would calm down until he fell asleep.  The MRI tech came over, and took his hands from us so that we wouldn't have to be the ones holding him down.  I thought that was a really kind gesture, sometimes it is hard to be the "mean one", but we do what has to be done.  I appreciated that he took over for us, so we could just be with him as he fell asleep.  Once he was asleep they kicked us out to the waiting room, and got him all set up.  He had to have an iv put into his hand.  They administered the tracer right away once that was done, and then did some MRI imaging while they waited the requisite one hour for the tracer to do its job.
     At about 11:00 Trevor went down to the galley to get us some lunch.  He brought it back up and we ate.  Then we waited, and waited, and waited.  They had the news on in the waiting room, and I found some of the stories a bit random.  They had some guy on talking about the fact that the world hadn't ended.  There was a lot about gun control, some really ridiculous things.  They quoted a website that sold weapons to only law enforcement and military, and talked about civilians getting those types of guns when in all actuality, they can not purchase guns from there.  There were some others that I can't remember right now.  I studied up on the new youth curriculum and watched some of the movies that went along with that.
     Finally, the anesthesiologist brought Shad out.  He was already awake and talking randomly.  They took him  upstairs to the PACU (post anesthesia care unit), where they have to monitor his vitals, and make sure he is awake before they send him home.  We were up there about half an hour.  He had 3 containers of juice and a popsicle.  He hadn't eaten or drunk anything since bedtime the night before, so he was pretty hungry and thirsty.   We were supposed to go to the oncology clinic after his imaging to check his counts, so the PACU nurse just did the blood draw before she removed the iv.  We went downstairs to the clinic to follow up with the doctor and check what his counts were, but it was closed. We weren't sure what we were supposed to do, so we went over the the peds area and asked one of the nurses there.  She was able to get ahold of the doctor and she came over and talked to us for a minute.  They said that they would call with his counts in the morning, so we headed home.
     Fast forward to yesterday.  We went in to check Shad's counts and possibly start chemo if everything checked out okay.  We were also hoping to get the results of all of his imaging.  His neutrophil count was not high enough to start chemo yesterday, so we will go back tomorrow for another check and to hopefully start chemo.  He was at an 853 and has to be at 1000 to start.  The good news from the check up was the results of the imaging.  One lung is totally clear from any cancer, and the other lung is very faint which means it is almost gone.  When he started there were multiple spots in both lungs.  There are no marks on his liver anymore either.  His pelvic mass is "significantly smaller", and there is nothing in his back.  Dr. Pene had not seen the images, he had just read the report, so he was just telling us what the report said.  Hopefully we will see the images when we are there later this week.  We are so thankful that there are already such significant results after only two rounds of chemo.

waiting for blood counts yesterday

 

Thank you

We got to come home from the hospital today.  Shad's ANC was 377 this morning which is well above the 250.  The doctors seemed to be surprised that it had gone up so quickly, so thank you for all the prayers in our behalf, I know they helped.
     Our stay in the hospital wasn't too bad however.  Shad was not allowed to go out and play with the toys which he wasn't too happy about, but he got over it pretty quickly.  I don't know if any of us could have handled many more days stuck in that room.  It seems that lots of people like to bring presents to kids in the hospital around Christmas time.  We were there for 2 days, and I think there were three different groups that brought gifts.  The armed forces ymca, the San Diego fire department, and a family that we didn't get to talk to, so we weren't sure who they were.  The hematology/oncology department also had a party yesterday, but Shad wasn't able to go, so they had santa bring his present and stocking down.

     All of the nurses that we had this time were great as well.  They were all really nice to Shad, took time to talk to him and play with him a little bit, and seemed competent at their job.  We loved all of them, and Shad did as well.  One nurse even let Shad keep her stethoscope for awhile, and play with it.

Our goal now is to make it through Christmas healthy and at home, and be ready for the next round of chemo on the 31.  Hopefully we make it!

Awww man...

Last night when Trevor and I were getting ready to go to bed at about 11:30, Shad started whimpering. I bent down to check if his catheter was pulling and he felt really hot. We took his temperature and it was 102. We called the pediatric floor (as we had been instructed to do if this happened). They told us to come on in, they would have a room ready for us. We quickly threw some clothes and other essentials in a bag and were out the door.
By the time we got to the hospital it was about 12:30. We gathered all of our stuff, and Shad and all of his stuff, and headed up to the floor. They first took him into the treatment room where they accessed his port and took some blood for lab work. They also took a urine sample to check for any infection coming from his catheter site.
After that we came to our room and got Shad all situated. We had to keep him awake because they wanted to take him for a chest x-ray. We got that done about 1:30, and then were back in our room for the night. We all got ready for bed at that point, and then Trevor and Shad were out. They came in about ten minutes later to start his antibiotics. He wasn't too happy about that, and had a hard time falling back to sleep. I ended up having to sit by him and rub his back for awhile until he calmed down enough to sleep. After that it seemed like it was kind of a revolving door until about 4:00.
At 3:30 a doctor came in and let me know that Shad was neutropenic, and also slightly anemic. They decided that they were going to transfuse some blood, to help with the anemia, and had me sign the paper work for that. The neutropenia is most likely what caused the fever. For those wondering neutropenia is when you have a really low number of neutrophils, a type of white blood cells. This makes it harder for your body to fight infections. Check out this link for more information.
http://www.cancer.net/all-about-cancer/treating-cancer/managing-side-effects/neutropenia
We will be in the hospital until he goes 24 hours without fever, 48 hours without the blood culture developing anything, and lastly and most importantly, until his ANC count is between 250 and 500. Closer to 500. His ANC is currently 87. We don't know how long it will take for his counts to be back up, but we are hoping (and praying) that he will get to be home for Christmas. If not though, we will just wait and celebrate when he is home, and hopefully he will not know it isn't really Christmas. We would appreciate any and all prayers as we work our way through this unwelcome (but somewhat expected) next phase of treatment. He is still his smiling happy self which makes it a bit easier for all of us.

Lately

     We had Shad's check-up yesterday.  Luckily it looks like we are going to make it through another round with no blood or platelet transfusions.  The doctor seemed pretty surprised, but our Shad is a fighter so we weren't too surprised.  We know that eventually he will need transfusions. but we will gladly take any round he can get through without them.  Unfortunately, his white blood cells took a bigger hit this time (completely normal), and so we are homebound for the next week.  He has another appointment on Friday, and we are hoping all his counts will be good so that we can enjoy Christmas.  
     The doctor wants Shad to have an MRI and a PET scan next week.  It isn't too big of a deal aside from the fact that he isn't allowed to eat any sugar the day before (it could interfere with the results).  We were hoping that they would be able to schedule it for Thursday or Friday so we wouldn't have to worry about monitoring what he was eating on Christmas day.  Unfortunately it is looking like we are going to have the scans on Wednesday, so Christmas just got a little rougher.
     On the mobility front, he is making so much progress.  Just yesterday he started trying to stand on his own by scooting to the edge of his wheelchair and then pushing himself into a standing position.  At our house he was sitting on a chair near the couch, and he scooted himself off, grabbed onto the couch and walked over to sit down.  All of this was out of the question just a few days ago.  This morning he had physical therapy and he walked from the far edge of our couch, around and to the bottom of the stairs holding onto our hands.  I carried him up to his room, and he sat on the floor and played with the physical therapist, crawled all over in his room and up and down the hallway, he stood at the window and looked out for a little bit.  It was seriously amazing.  I am so proud of him, he is scared to try new things, but he does it anyway.

Run for Abigail and Friends

     On January 12 we will be participating in the Run for Abigail and Friends in AZ.  We would like to invite any friends or family who would like to participate to do so.  You can register online or you can print out and mail in a registration form.  I believe there is an extra couple dollar fee for registering online (from the company that is doing the registering), but I am not sure.  If someone is choosing to run for Shad, and they win (1st and 2nd place for male and female categories, ages 1-16 and 17-adult) then Shad receives their prize.  Also when you come for the run that day you receive a raffle ticket and those tickets are then given to one of the children.  If you give your ticket to Shad and that ticket is a winner, then he will receive that raffle prize.  There is a 5k run/walk, and also a 1 mile fun run.  The winner prizes are only for the 5k, but I believe you receive a raffle ticket if you participate in either event.  The website with links to registration as well as more information is http://www.runforabigailandfriends.com/
     Shad and I are hoping to be there as long as his health permits it, but if we can't be there my mom will be there as his representative, and he will still be eligible for prizes.  We appreciate anyone who is willing to participate in his behalf.

Shad-isms (Medical Version)

"Is that the medicine so my throat (throw up) doesn't come out?" (Anti nausea medication)

"I have to have my emoferapy to get rid of that ball in my tummy." (the tumor)

"Are you going to use the arm hugger now?" (the blood pressure cuff)

"Are you going to hook me up to my bag so the pee pee comes out?" (talking about his catheter)

Hospital Round 2

     We are in the middle of our second hospital stay.  Shad came in on Thursday morning to do the port removal/port placement surgery.  He had his old broviac port removed since one of the lines had clotted the last time we were at the hospital, and then they put in the new portacath.  The new port should be a good thing because there is nothing on the outside of the skin.  This means less care for the port at home which is nice, there is also less risk of infection since there is nothing outside of the body.  When he comes in for treatments or check ups they will numb the skin over the port, and then stick a needle in to access the line.  Our biggest worry is that he will see the needle and freak out, even though it shouldn't really hurt when it goes in.  ˙Hopefully after he realizes that it doesn't hurt he will be okay with it.  He came out of the placement surgery with it already accessed, so we haven't actually seen how they do it yet.
     After the blood work that was done when we first got here, Dr. Pene came in and let us know that the AFP (Alpha Fetoprotein) levels (which are one of the markers for this kind of tumor) had dropped.  When we came into the hospital originally (before diagnosis) his levels were over 60,000.  Now they have dropped to just under 20,000.  That is pretty good for just one round of chemo.  The doctor let us know that if the level were at 0 they would stop treatments, but no one would get to a 0 with just one round.  Also, you can not feel the mass in his pelvic area from the outside as easily anymore, so that shows that it is shrinking.
     Shad has been having sporadic wet diapers, which also shows that the mass is shrinking away from the urethra, and he is beginning to regain function.  The doctors were hopeful that they would be able to take out the suprapubic catheter, but after trying it capped (not draining automatically), he started complaining of abdominal pain, and so they did a bladder scan.  He had quite a bit of urine that he was holding, so they uncapped him and put the bag back on.  Although it looks like we will not get it taken out this time in the hospital we are hopeful that we can get it out soon.  As the tumor begins to shrink function should be able to improve more and more.
     He is still handling the chemo really well.  He did throw up one time the first night of treatment, but he had also just eaten almost 2 whole McDonald hamburgers and some french fries as well as a bunch of pickles.  The nurse was flushing his line with the saline (which he tastes), and he pretended/made himself gag.  This in turn caused him to throw up.  Since then he has been doing pretty well in the nausea department.
     He has 2 days of chemo left, and then we will do the post hydration for 24 hours.  He will get a Neulasta shot 24 hours after the last round of chemo, and then we should be able to go home.  We are hoping for early evening on Wednesday, but it will probably be more like Thursday morning.
     We appreciate all of your prayers for Shadrach and our family, and hope you will continue to pray for us as we continue throughout the treatments of this disease.  We definitely feel the strength and blessings that are coming to us through the power of prayer.

Grandma, I have no hair

 Shad's hair began falling out last Friday.  We noticed that our furniture and pillows were beginning to look a bit "furry", and I quickly realized that it was Shad's hair.  Every time I rubbed his head I came away with a handful of hair.  He knew that his hair was going to fall out because of the chemo, and seemed to be ok with the idea.  On Sunday, we buzzed his head, hoping to make it easier to clean up, and to help the look of his hair as well.  He asked us to do it, and we complied.  He now has some bald patches, and some hairy patches.  He still has his eyebrows and eyelashes though (for now at least).
     Today when grandma took a picture of him he asked to see it so he could tell her if it was a good one.  After looking at the picture he exclaimed, "Grandma, I have no hair! Hmm, that's kind of weird."

I guess he didn't realize quite what he looked like.  He wasn't too upset by the fact though, so that is good.

In Case you were Wondering

In case you were wondering what it is Shad dreams about...

Shad is sleeping in our room right now, and a few nights ago as Trevor and I lay in bed whispering, we heard "(unintelligible muttering)...play my ipad...(more muttering)."

So, there you have it.  He loves that thing.  We are trying to limit playing time at home, but are not doing a great job of it as of yet.  We will keep working on it.  Thank you so much, again, to the person who bought it for him.

Kindness of Strangers

     Today Trevor had his last follow up eye appointment from his lasik surgery in August.  Shad slept in quite late this morning, so we gave him the choice of going with daddy and waiting at the park next to the doctor's office (where we like to sit and watch the airplanes take off), or stay home and take a nap.  His first choice was to stay home and play with his ipad, but once we told him the choices again, he chose the park.
     There is a playground at the park, but usually when we go we walk along the bay looking for dogs, boats, squirrels (or maybe they're chipmunks), and most importantly airplanes.  I didn't think anything of taking Shad in his wheelchair and walking around while we waited for Trevor.  Well, as soon as we were in the car and the whole way downtown, Shad talked about playing on the playground at the park.  Technically this shouldn't have been a problem, he "can" walk, but his legs are weak and he hasn't really walked for about a month.  He still refuses to walk at home, and even just trying to get him to stand up is a challenge.  He talked about climbing the big wall, playing on the slide, walking in the sand and on and on.  Trevor and I just said that if he wanted to play on the playground then he could.  We were both pretty sure once the time came for him to get out of his wheelchair, he wouldn't be as happy about it as he was in theory, but we didn't want to discourage him too much.
     We got to the park, and Trevor dropped us off.  I got Shad all situated in his wheelchair with his giraffe, and his blanket, and we started walking toward the park.  He continued on and on about playing on the playground, the closer we got the more worried I became.  There were a lot of families at the park.  In my mind this just meant more people to witness Shad's failure (and mine I felt).  I became more worried about what those people would think of me and my son, than I was about Shad actually being successful or not.  I began trying to talk Shad out of playing, reminding him how much fun it was to sit and watch for airplanes, or look at the water.  Nope, his desire could not be squelched.  I asked him several times if he was sure he wanted to play.  He answered each time with a more insistent yes than the time before.  I pushed him over to a less busy corner of the playground.  Asked him one final time if he was sure he wanted to get out, and then lifted him from the chair.  I stood him on the ground and he took a couple wobbly steps before he began screaming.  It broke my heart to see him in pain, and I immediately picked him up and held him in my arms.  That is when I looked around and saw all the other parents looking at us.  The pity in their eyes was almost more than I could bear.  They quickly turned away trying to pretend they hadn't noticed, but I felt like I knew what they were thinking.  I calmed Shad down and put him back in his wheelchair.  I wanted to hurry away from the onlookers, but he just wanted to sit and watch the other kids play.  That was hard for me too.  I knew that he wanted to be out there playing like those other kids, and I am still not sure exactly what was going through his mind, but I let him sit there watching for as long as he wanted.
     After a few minutes he said that he was ready to "walk" again, so I got up, and off we went.  The rest of the trip was great.  We saw 2 boats, some birds, some big guns (like they have on Navy ships), lots of airplanes and even a dog or two.  Shad was happy to be there waving to airplanes, and people on the boat.  Laughing at the birds swimming in the water (because birds are supposed to fly), and the lady throwing the ball for her dog who just wanted to lay in the shade.  People still stared at us, I still worried about what they were thinking, but I was also able to enjoy being at the park with my baby.
     As we were walking to where we were going to meet Trevor, I noticed a lady walking toward us with her dog.  She was looking at us, but the look in her eyes was different.  It wasn't pity or curiosity, but rather acceptance.  The dog was a big german shepherd, and I reminded him that we don't touch dogs we don't know without the owners permission.  As they got closer, the lady smiled at Shad and I, and gave Shad a wave.  She walked over and stooped right down to Shad's level.  She asked him if he liked dogs, and he answered with a resounding yes.  She asked if he wanted to pet her dog, and he said yes.  The dogs name was Bella, and I can't for the life of me remember the lady's.  She introduced herself, and then asked for our names.  Shad told her his, and I told her mine.  She chatted with Shad a little bit, and then started talking about Bella.  She said that Bella couldn't run around like she used to because her legs were tired (because she was old), but she still liked to go for walks.  Shad piped right up and said "Hey mommy, that's just like my legs.  My legs are tired too."  She continued to talk to him for awhile, and then said she hoped she saw us again soon.  She asked if we came and walked there often, and we told her not usually.  She said that she would still hope to see us again sometime walking there.  Bella gave Shad a few kisses and they were on their way.  I was so grateful that we crossed paths with her.  She will never know the impact of the 5 minutes that she took to talk to a stressed mother and her "different" child, but I will.

Happily Ever After

     I was in charge of the lesson in young womens today.  I have been reading through the lessons all week, and trying to figure out what to say.  I had a hard time putting any coherent thoughts together at all.  I just had too many things on my mind, and was not able to really focus on the task at hand.  Yesterday I spent several hours staring at the computer screen, reading the lessons, and the suggested resources over and over again.  Still nothing.  Finally Trevor convinced me walk away and come back to it later.  I decided that was probably the best idea, and went and relaxed with him for awhile before bed.  I was still thinking about the topics, and how to best present the information.  This morning I got up early, and got to work.  My mind was finally clear, and I was able to put all of my thoughts together (somewhat).
     One of the suggested resources for the lesson was a talk by Dieter F. Uchtdorf entitled You're Happily Ever After.  This was something that truly spoke to me right now.  I couldn't believe how close to home it really hit.  President Uchtdorf quotes the first page of the personal progress manual which reads "You are a beloved daughter of Heavenly Father, prepared to come to the earth at this particular time for a sacred and glorious purpose."  He goes on to say, "Isn't it remarkable to know that our eternal Heavenly Father knows you, hears you, watches over you, and loves you with an infinite love?"  If there is anything that I have truly learned from this trial so far, it is that Heavenly Father does know each of us, and that he watches over us no matter what is going on in our lives.  I know that even though we have hard times, he does love each and every one of us with a love which is almost beyond comprehension to our mortal selves.
     I have heard it said that there is no way that God loves us.  If he truly loved us why would he give an innocent 3 year old boy cancer.  Why does he allow people to suffer such great pain.  If he really loved us this wouldn't happen.  If I am being perfectly honest there have been moments when I have wondered some of these same things.  In his talk President Uchtdorf goes on to say "...they all had to experience great adversity.  Why must all experience sadness and tragedy? ... The scriptures tell us there must be opposition in all things, for without it we could not discern the sweet from the bitter ... adversity teaches us things we cannot learn otherwise.  Adversity helps to develop a depth of character that comes in no other way.  Our loving Heavenly Father has set us in a world filled with challenges and trials so that we, through opposition, can learn wisdom, become stronger, and experience joy."  Our current adversity has already brought wisdom, strength and even joy.  The fact that we go through trials then, only reinforces my conviction that Heavenly Father loves us.  He wants us to become better, stronger, more faithful members of his church, and he will put things in our path that will help us to reach our true potential.
     One final quote from President Uchtdorf, "His love for you is so great that He has granted you this earthly life as a precious gift of 'once upon a time,' complete with your own true story of adventure, trial, and opportunities for greatness, nobility, courage, and love.  And, most glorious of all, He offers you a gift beyond price and comprehension.  Heavenly Father offers to you the greatest gift of all - eternal life - and the opportunity and infinite blessing of your own 'happily ever after.'"  It is comforting to know, that no matter what happens in this earthly life, we all have been blessed with the gift of eternal life, our own personal happily ever after.
     If you would like to read the rest of the talk go here.